She slowly regained consciousness. The strong smell of disinfectant filled her nostrils. Hospital?

Something warm drizzled down the side of her eyes. Her trembling hands reached for her face. She realized she was bleeding from a cut that stopped shy of her eyes. A doctor was bent over her with a tense expression his face.

Her hands moved instinctively towards her lower abdomen, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. Her eyes asked the question.

‘ I am so sorry, we tried our best.’No!! No!!!

What did they give her that made her feel this way? Her body refused to cooperate, it was a bag of salt. Her legs were jelly.

‘How did I get here? What happened?’ she asked.

‘Don’t you remember?’ the doctor looked concerned.

He examined her eyes with a pencil torch.

‘You will be alright, give yourself time, it’s temporary amnesia’.

She watched the sun rise and set twice from her bed as the nurses came in periodically for their checks and her injections. They were so nice! She called them her angels.

Thankfully her legs were beginning to cooperate and she placed them gingerly on the floor. It felt like pins and needles. Ow! She paused, braced herself, and tried again.

Putting one foot after the other, she made for the bathroom.

‘Where is my daughter?!! I must see her now!!’ Who was that? She heard someone barge into her room. ‘Chinwe!! Where are you?!’
The voice sounded familiar….Mom!

With gritted teeth, she slowly raised herself from the toilet seat. The walk from the toilet seat to the door seemed to last an eternity.

She drew the door open and collapsed into her mother’s arms.

The tears won’t stop. Was it her mother’s scent? It brought such comfort and with it, the floodgates burst open!

Ben!! He promised to love her. He promised to cherish her. He, he promised…… How does your heart break over your marriage when you are not a widow? She wished she could go back to that place of temporary amnesia. Compared to this, it was bliss.

‘What happened Chinwe? Who did this to you? Tell me!!’.
‘Ben’….hiccup. Would this floodgate ever stop? She wiped her eyes and nose with the back of her hands.
‘You must be kidding me!’ her mum said. ‘How? When?’
If only her tears could wipe away five years of torture!

‘How come you never told us?! How can you allow yourself to be so battered? What did he do to you? He called us last night, saying you had been injured in an accident!’

She realized Ben had not visited since she got to the hospital. Sobs.
How indeed did she come to this?

She had been a dark-skinned beauty, back at the University of Lagos. An admirer once said she had a swan’s neck and carried herself like a queen. Those things didn’t move her, and she was generally immune to the attention guys paid her. She prided herself in knowing what she wanted, and no man was going to stop her, after all she was a liberated woman! A career as an accomplished maritime lawyer with her chambers was her ultimate dream.

She was also vocal about her faith. She knew she wanted to share her life with someone who loved God the way she did.
Going through school was a breeze, thanks to her father’s brains.

How could she forget the day she met Ben at Law school? She had gone to submit an assignment at a lecturer’s office. She was trying to beat the deadline when she ran into a brick wall. Looking up stunned, she saw this fine specimen standing with a bemused smile, watching her.

She could not believe his chest was the wall! She mumbled an apology, thankful for her dark skin which hid her embarrassment.

‘It’s alright, I see you are in a hurry. I am Ben Chukwu, and you are ….. ‘. She quickly responded with her first name and made to leave.

‘ Not so fast. The only condition under which I accept your apology is if you give me your phone number’. She hesitated and shrugged, reeling out her phone number. She had never felt so embarrassed!

Phew! She made it just in time. When she got back to her dorm, she told Nene about the incident. ‘Expect his call’ Nene teased. Chinwe smiled in disbelief she knew he wasn’t going to call.

On her way back later that evening, she decided to check her phone which had been ringing nonstop during the last class.
The phone rang just as she was picking it up ‘Hello,who is this?’ ‘It’s Ben, remember me?
‘Oh…yes I do’.
‘I am just calling to check on you, how was your day?’

Ben called every day for two weeks before asking her out on a date. He swept her off her feet before she knew it, she had let her guard down and was enjoying every moment of it.

The warning bells were very loud at first. ‘Daughter run away from him, I have something better for you.’

‘But Lord he is so good, I know he is not really serious about you , but he attends church services with me. Look at Pastor Eugene, his marriage hit the rock even though they are both supposed to be lovers of God’.

‘I think it’s about the individual, not really shared faith,’ she philosophized.

Chinwe was smitten. The flowers, gifts, poetry, attention, romantic voice, fine dining. The bells eventually stopped ringing. Her pact with herself to work and establish herself in her chosen field evaporated into thin air.

Her parents were shocked; ‘Are you sure dear, marriage is for life.’ She told them she could never be happier, and they were married shortly after she graduated from law school.

Something had happened a few days to their wedding that almost made her call off the wedding. For the first time Ben barked at her because she was late for an appointment. She watched him clench and unclench his fists as he tried to get a grip. She was visibly shaken. What was she getting herself into? The bells began to ring again again.

The next day Ben came begging with tears. ‘I don’t know what came over me. It will never happen again. You know I cannot live without you.’ She decided to let it go, ignoring those bells.

She was not going to let anything mar her happy day; she had gotten a handsome man who seemed to be completely taken with her or so it seemed.

Things began to unravel when two months later they agreed to meet up after work for dinner at a restaurant. Her boss came up with the last-minute assignments at about five pm, and she knew she was going to be late for dinner with Ben. She quickly texted him about the situation and got to work.

Shocked was an understatement when she got to the restaurant an hour later. Ben was nowhere to be found. She called and his line just kept ringing no response. Where could he be? Why did he stand her up? She caught a cab home, worried.

As soon as she walked in the front door her wrists were held in a viselike grip.

‘Never you stand me up like that again ever!’Eyes blazing’.

‘But I sent you a message Ben’.

‘I said never do that to me again or…’ ‘You’re hurting me!’ she cried, and he let go of her wrist suddenly contrite.

‘Chinwe I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me. You know I love you so much. It’s your fault really, you shouldn’t annoy me.’

Time stood still. What just happened?

‘Sweetheart I’m sorry it won’t happen again I promise. I’m so so sorry forgive me, please.’

She sat on the couch absently rubbing her wrists which were sore from his grip. In between kisses on her forehead and her wrists, he kept reassuring her that it wouldn’t happen again, in the same breath blaming her for his behavior. How was it her fault?

On hindsight, that was the day she should have called him out! She should have insisted he get help. The real abuse started after that. Nothing she did was good enough, Ben criticized her every move and blamed her for his anger. Even her clothes no longer measured up, and her hairstyle was ridiculous; gospel according to Ben. She now dressed to please him. He insisted she left the choir, which she enjoyed so much. ‘You are just showing off’ he said.

Maybe this was her fault him, she had to stop upsetting him. Her self-confidence took a nosedive and her eyes were empty pools.

She was always trying to please him and falling short every time. Ben was so violent that he hit her if she dared to mention a male colleague at home. He hit her if the food was cold or the food was late.

How many times had she wanted to put a distance between them; but when she remembered all the teachings about the sacredness of marriage, she stayed put. She has promised for better for worse. This was her worse. She couldn’t chicken out.

How could she forget the beating she got when she dared suggest he get help? ‘Are you saying I’m crazy? He raged.

She had read this scripture ‘a wise woman builds her home.’ She had to build her home. What about her parents! Chinwe’s parents have been happily married for thirty-five years. She couldn’t even contemplate a broken home. They would be so pained if her marriage failed! It just had to work.

She started hiding the bruises with makeup and avoiding friends, colleagues and family. Her boss called a meeting. ‘Chinwe there are so many errors in this brief, what’s happening to you? You are not the same person who joined this firm a year ago.’ More excuses.

Finally Ben insisted that she resign her job and sit at home. He claimed it was her job that had prevented her from conceiving over the past year.

‘ I provide everything you need. Resign and focus on your family. I want to have children.’

Chinwe left her only escape, for peace’s sake and in a desperate attempt to please her husband. She kept hoping the marriage would work and of course, hoping that a child would improve the relationship. Now she was home from sunup to sundown. Ben had also made sure she blew what little savings she had.

‘I’m suffering for making a wrong choice. It’s my choice, I have to live with it.’ she taught to herself.

The bubbling vivacious Lady had disappeared. Sometimes she looked in the mirror and saw a stranger. She hung a towel over the mirror. ‘I need to leave him, but how will I face the world? I have no money and no income.’

She evaded calls from her mom and siblings. Always giving excuses as to why she couldn’t come over for family functions, because she didn’t want them to see the bruises. They didn’t even know that she was now a full-time housewife.

Her joy knew no bounds when about four years later she was pregnant. She was overjoyed because she thought this would heal their relationship. Ben’s attitude only improved for a couple of weeks and then he was back to himself. She only had some respite when he was at work, but even from work he was calling and monitoring her. She couldn’t go anywhere without his knowledge or else she would have Ben’s wrath to contend with. She had lost count of the hospital visits; So many injuries.

He had cut her off from her friends with one complaint or the other, and she was slowly becoming a recluse. Sometimes he was the one she fell in love with, her knight in shining armor, but those intervals were short lived. Most times he was a monster. She was beginning to believe something was wrong with herself. She brought out the worst in Ben and he cursed at her for doing that. She was always on an emotional roller coaster. Ready to leave one day, undecided the next.

Three days ago her best friend came into the country. She had been away for five years and they had remained close. She was the only one Chinwe ever hinted about what was going on in her marriage. Adora had never liked Ben,

‘Chinwe he doesn’t share your faith, beyond that, there is something about that guy I can’t place a finger on. Pray babes.’

Chinwe waved her off , thinking she was jealous. Now she wished she had listened.

She was looking forward to seeing her friend Adora. She wanted to open up to someone and get a second opinion. That day she made dinner for Ben early, set up the table and sent him a voice note telling him about her friend’s visit and that she had to see her that night before she traveled to the village.

Her time with Adora was bittersweet. Chinwe opened up between tears and hugs.

‘You told me then, Adora why didn’t I listen? Now I’m paying for my disobedience.’

‘Yes you made a mistake Chinwe, but God doesn’t expect you to pay with your life!’

‘You need to forgive yourself, accept God’s forgiveness and move out of that toxic environment.Where is the Chinwe I knew? The badass lawyer?’

‘I have nothing now, my parents cannot know, and I’m pregnant, what do I do’ she asked wiping her eyes, ‘What do I do?’

‘You have to plan an exit strategy my friend, and fast! I can lend you money to get an apartment. Do you want to bring up a baby in that environment, or do you think that he will change because of the baby?
He’s not going to change without therapy and you are not a therapist. It’s not your fault that he is violent. He is broken. Not you. Think about it and let me know what you decide but please let your decision not be to remain in that house’.

‘I can’t just leave my husband, I have to work on my marriage. I’m sure I provoke him. He will change. But I’ll think about it.’

‘It’s your decision, but a word is enough for the wise. Don’t become part of the statistics of domestic violence victims.’

They hugged goodbye. ‘Call me in the morning.’ Adora said.

Nothing prepared her for the terrible blows that hit her as she walked in the door that night. She smelt booze in his breath!

‘What’s his name?! You think I don’t know it’s a man?’ Slap!

He hit her mercilessly; kicked her in the tummy and she fell bleeding to the floor. Her screams brought the neighbor who kept banging on the door. she must’ve passed out because the next thing she remembered was lying on the hospital bed being examined by a doctor. Chinwe didn’t need a prophet to tell her that she might not survive the next beating.

Ben had killed their child and there was nothing more to look forward to anyway. She felt so empty, spent and broken. Why did he hate her so much? Why did he become the devil at the slightest provocation? The worst part of it all was that her womb had ruptured in the process and she could never have a baby again. She was done blaming herself. Shame? Who cares?

Enough was enough. She had separate from him, at least for now. She remembered she had not worked for 4 years. Her heart skipped a beat. How could someone pretend so well and deceive her into believing he was an angel? That was a question she kept asking herself. How did she allow him tender her broke? It dawned on her that nothing she did would be good enough for Ben.
She was recovering slowly everyday and eventually discharged. Ben had come to see her several times, but her mom had left strict instructions that he shouldn’t be allowed in.

She went to her parent’s place to recuperate and plan how to start her life all over again. She was a US citizen, but she had never felt the need to relocate. She considered that possibility. She needed money though. She could also just move to Abuja and start over.

About three days later who shows up at the door, Ben!

Time stood still. ‘I want to see your parents, please.’

‘Let him in Chinwe’ her father called from the living room.

He greeted her parents who just stared at him. Ben broke down, pleading with her parents to forgive him. After a lot of pleading and promises from Ben, her dad said,

‘You will have to give Chinwe time, she needs to heal. Come back in two weeks.’

Ben kept calling and texting. The gifts were being delivered daily. She was glad they had lost their hold over her. They symbolized the hangman’s noose.

What was she going back to? The same torture? What had changed? Nothing. He was the same Ben. She was drained. She had nothing left to give. She couldn’t fix him. A feeling of sadness washed over her as she faced her fears. She knew what she had to do. She called Adora, who was only too willing help her relocate and host her until she found her feet.

A day before Ben was to return for her, she left for the United States.

The tears flowed freely, after they boarded. She wept for a love spurned, for the torture, she wept for her unborn baby, she wept for five years lost, and all the trauma. She prayed for strength as she embarked on this journey of forgiveness and renewal. Today it ends.

‘I still love you daughter.’ She basked in His embrace.

‘Is that you Lord?’ She had missed these gentle bells.

She cried harder. ‘Thank you Lord’

#thrivewithbridget
#fiction